When I was in college, I went through a traumatic breakup. I was in a relationship with a guy for 1 year. We discussed plans for our future and had a lot of good times together. So when our relationship quickly dissolved, it felt as though the rug had been pulled from under my feet. I’ll never forget how dark that time was and how much I struggled to move forward.
So I want to share some practical tips for anyone going through a breakup. I hope that this helps you to heal and feel your best.
Find a new hobby
Breakups sometimes leave us with a lot of time on our hands. The hours used to be spent on the phone or hanging out with that person has to be filled with something. This is a great opportunity to take up a new hobby or learn a new skill. Whether it’s completing 1000-piece jigsaw puzzles, learning video editing or making TikTok videos, there is always something to do. The more time you spend doing things you love, the more joy you’ll find.
Over the past year, I have learned the power of affirmations. And they have helped me shift my perspective from scarcity to abundance. When you are hurt, it is good to write affirmations that speak to where you want to be. I have shared several here on my Instagram. Feel free to use mine, or write you own.
Feel Your Emotions
Sometimes when we’re going through a painful situation, we try to hide our feelings or pretend to be okay. I find that I am most likely to tell myself that I’m fine when someone has hurt me and I don’t want them to know. But this doesn’t serve me. I skip the healing process, and end up right back at square one. Instead, we should feel our feelings. This may mean crying, feeling low, being angry and more. All of these feelings are normal. The goal is to be honest about what hurts so that healing can begin.
Lean into Friendship
When I was going through the lowest moments after my breakup, my person Jeida was the light in my storm. She prayed for me, check-in on me, and gave me space to share my truth. And what I’ve learned now is to always keep this platonic love alive. I am married, but there is no replacing my girlfriends or the way they love me. So lean into your friendships. They can be a healing space for you to experience authentic love.
Disconnect Fully and Set boundaries
When I was dating guys before meeting my husband, I used to make the person the center of my world. It made the relationship feel magical, but breakups were incredibly hard. I had to rebuild everything from the ground up when things fell apart. But what helped me to move forward the most was disconnecting fully and setting boundaries. Once I stopped following the person online, stopped answering texts and created distance, I was able to think of them less. And this gave me more time to focus on things that gave me joy. It will hurt to disconnect and set boundaries, but healing will likely require it.
See a Therapist
Everyone has a different capacity for heartbreak and emotional pain. Some can walk through those painful seasons and manage with their own healthy coping strategies. And others of us need more support. I didn’t see a therapist immediately after my breakup, but I did see one regularly a few years later. It made a major difference in my mental health and quality of life. A friend of mine, Lucy Dazilma openly shares that a breakup was what made her seek therapy for the first time. Now that I know the benefit of therapy, I highly suggest it. Please don’t let shame or any stigmas keep you from getting the help you need. If you have questions about my experience with therapy, don’t hesitate to reach out.
Journaling can be so helpful when you’re struggling with heartbreak. Your journal is a safe space to be honest about how you feel. As I wrote my feelings down, I felt lighter. The best part about this is that when I felt better, I could go back and celebrate how far I’d come.
Give Yourself Grace
Moving on from someone you loved can be very difficult. It hurts and often times, it is downright devastating. But I want you to know that you will smile again. You will laugh again. And in due time, you will love again, if you choose to. Give yourself time to heal. Hold space for yourself just as you would a friend that you love. If you show up for yourself in these ways, I assure you that you will feel a little better each day. I’m cheering for you as you do what it takes to evolve into your best self.